I was going to surprise my partner at work and bring her mac and cheese from Noodles. I had been experiencing major dizziness prior to going but rested and felt fine enough to drive. ( I would never get behind the wheel if I knew something was wrong with me) I ordered the food and went to sit down and wait. I felt like my body was spinning out of control, I felt as if I was going to faint. I tried to reason with myself that you are going to be o.k. and this too shall pass. Lump in my throat I just wanted to run and hide. But I was frozen, couldn't move, didn't know where really to run to I just knew that I had to get the heck out of there.
I already paid for the meal and couldn't just abandon it. I stuck it out but really couldn't tell you how. I was sweating so terribly and I just wanted to scream. It took about 20 minutes for them to complete my order due to they were short on staff. Why me? Why now? I am tired and just want to get to my destination. They called my name and I bolted with the food outside. As soon as I stepped into the muggy air everything vanished and I felt fine. I do believe for me there are after effects of a panic/anxiety attack for me I was still afraid to even drive. I just sat there and played everything back in my head. Which isn't a good thing to do when you are all alone. I can't reason with myself that well. I need to be able to bounce what I am feeling off someone who isn't going through this at the moment.
I know now that I should have grabbed my cell phone from home so I could at least called "A" and told her that I was coming but just experienced the most horrifying 20 minutes of my life. I should of and could of but didn't. So, it was up to me to get myself together and concentrate on driving. When I feel uncomfortable I always take the back roads so I can go 23 miles and hour and pull over if I need to. This time there were no back roads and so I ate my dinner in the car and waited. I got to "A's" work and felt so relieved I just decided to stay until 10pm. Throughout the night I had several "mini" attacks, dizziness, feelings of I am going to die. I didn't die but wanted to call 9-1-1 a lot. But know that that is a waste my time and theirs.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Staying Healthy
Healthy sleeping, eating, and exercising habits can help stabilize your moods. Keeping a regular sleep schedule is particularly important. I have always had this problem when not feeling good. Although when I was manic once I was so healthy I lost 7 pounds in a week. I am not sure if this was a good thing or not but I wasn't complaining and neither was my Dr. But the good kind of healthy is making sure that you exercise and stay emotionally fit.
Try not to skip breakfast - This is the most important meal of your day. It gets you motivated to do just about anything. Don't eat while you watch T.V. - If you start doing this you really aren't paying any attention to your food plus you tend to eat more while doing this. Make sure you incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies into your eating habits. Try to stay away for junk food. You may think that at the time it feels good, but down the road your waistline won't appreciate it and it will be harder to get off the sweets.
Did you know people with bipolar disorder also face hugely increased risk of early death from diabetes, heart disease and stroke.
What ways do you try to stay healthy especially during your days of gloom?
Try not to skip breakfast - This is the most important meal of your day. It gets you motivated to do just about anything. Don't eat while you watch T.V. - If you start doing this you really aren't paying any attention to your food plus you tend to eat more while doing this. Make sure you incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies into your eating habits. Try to stay away for junk food. You may think that at the time it feels good, but down the road your waistline won't appreciate it and it will be harder to get off the sweets.
Did you know people with bipolar disorder also face hugely increased risk of early death from diabetes, heart disease and stroke.What ways do you try to stay healthy especially during your days of gloom?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Getting Out
First of all let me tell you that look forward to going to my psychiatrist "LU" I see her about every 6-8 weeks for medication adjustment if I need it. Usually these days I don't. I like going because I have been seeing her since 2003 and it's so great to catch up on life. She knows me, she knows my ups and downs and how I am sometimes more than I do. I have been having a lot of stress and in return that causes my mind to race. It's like someone is taking the remote control to the T.V. and switching the channels as fast as they can. I don't sleep so well or if ever. So she increased one of my medications which is Buspar.
I should also tell you that the reason I think for my anxiety is due to the fact that my parents are moving to the sunny state of Florida in about 4 months. I have always been close to my folks and this is a big adjustment. Not having my mom just down the block will be odd. But I am happy for them they deserve to retire where they want. They have always been in my life and more so because of the mental illness I endure. They have put up with so much and now that I am stable and doing so much better I think they can breathe again and know that I will be o.k.
So after my hour appointment with "LU" we decided to take a small road trip to Ho Chunk Casino in Baraboo, WI. I don't recommend this if you are manic. I have done this before when I was and lost well over 2 grand just in $1.00 slots. Didn't take me that long to lose either. This is the sad part of being Bi Polar. But, we each took $25.00 and went our separate ways. I wasn't too excited about playing slots without actual money coming out. I really miss that. There is way too many slot machines in that Casino and being anxious didn't help the fact that I was ill. I played 5 cent slots and actually left coming out ahead. We vowed never to go back again.
The drive there was pleasant and after seeing "LU" I had felt better anyhow so enjoying the scenery was awesome. It was windy out that day so having the windows done was a blessing. We haven't done so much as leave the city in a long time. We both suffer from some pretty bad stuff so we were so excited to get away even if it was an hour away.
My advice for anyone shutting themselves in due to being anxious about the world outside is to take baby steps. Go outside your home, just to take a breath of fresh air. The next day go a bit further in your adventure and take a walk down the side walk or to the end of your driveway. Keep adding little by little and before you know it you will be able to have more control over your emotions and how you deal with them.
till tomorrow...
Beth
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Happy For No Reason
Boy I sure wish that I could be Happy For No Reason pretty much all the time. If I am happy its for a reason, I just won the lottery, I just finished the laundry, or I just ate a great meal. I won a book in a blog contest about a year ago Called Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff 7 steps to being happy from the inside out. I haven't even thumbed through the pages yet. I took it off my book shelf with 100 other titles of the same nature. Dusted it off and thought ok today is the day I will read at least one chapter. It looks as if I might just start this later in the week. Can you tell I am procrastinating here. I like to read don't get me wrong. But like I said before self help books are hiding way back in the garbage can waiting to be thrown at someone who mentions another book.
This comes from an except off her web page: What would it take to make you happy? A fulfilling career, a big bank account, or the perfect mate? What if it didn't take anything to make you happy? What if you could experience happiness from the inside out -- no matter what's going on in your life?
This comes from an except off her web page: What would it take to make you happy? A fulfilling career, a big bank account, or the perfect mate? What if it didn't take anything to make you happy? What if you could experience happiness from the inside out -- no matter what's going on in your life?
In Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out, transformational expert Marci Shimoff offers a breakthrough approach to being happy, one that doesn't depend on achievements, goals, money, relationships, or anything else "out there." Most books on happiness tell you to find the things that make you happy and do more of them. Although there's nothing wrong with that, it won't bring you the kind of deep and lasting happiness most people long for -- the kind you'll never lose, no matter what happens in your life. Based on cutting-edge research and knowledge from the world's leading experts in the fields of positive psychology and neurophysiology, plus interviews with 100 truly happy people, this life-changing book provides a powerful, proven 7-step program that will enable you to be happier right now -- no matter where you start.
You don't have to have happy genes, win the lottery, or lose twenty pounds. By the time you finish this book, you will know how to experience sustained happiness for the rest of your life. Sounds good to me....
There is also a test you can to see just how happy go lucky you are:
There is also a test you can to see just how happy go lucky you are:
The Happy for No Reason Questionnaire
The following Happy for No Reason questionnaire is modeled after the tests that Positive Psychology researchers use to determine people's happiness levels--with one important difference! Most happiness questionnaires are "state-dependent"; that is, they ask you to rate your happiness according to what's going on in your life (job, career, relationships, and so on) and how satisfied you are with your life circumstances. Those questionnaires measure Happy for Good Reason. This questionnaire is completely unique; it measures Happy for No Reason, or your happiness level from the inside out.
As you answer these questions, think about how they apply to you in general.
Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 5:
1 = Not at all true
2 = Slightly True
3 = Moderately True
4 = Mostly True
5 = Absolutely True
- I often feel happy and satisfied for no particular reason.
1 2 3 4 5 - I live in the moment.
1 2 3 4 5 - I feel alive, vital and energetic.
1 2 3 4 5 - I experience a deep sense of inner peace and well-being.
1 2 3 4 5 - Life is a great adventure for me.
1 2 3 4 5 - I don't let bad situations keep me down.
1 2 3 4 5 - I am enthusiastic about the things I do.
1 2 3 4 5 - Most days I have an experience of laughter or joy
1 2 3 4 5 - I trust this is a friendly universe.
1 2 3 4 5 - I look for the gift or the lesson in everything that happens.
1 2 3 4 5 - I am able to let go and forgive
1 2 3 4 5 - I feel love for myself.
1 2 3 4 5 - I look for the good in every person.
1 2 3 4 5 - I change the things I can and accept the things I can't change.
1 2 3 4 5 - I surround myself with people who support me
1 2 3 4 5 - I don't blame others or complain.
1 2 3 4 5 - My negative thoughts don't overshadow me.
1 2 3 4 5 - I feel a general sense of gratitude.
1 2 3 4 5 - I feel connected to something bigger than myself.
1 2 3 4 5 - I feel inspired by a sense of purpose in my life.
1 2 3 4 5
Scoring section:
If your score is 80 - 100: To a great degree, you are Happy for No Reason.
If your score is 60 - 79: You have a good measure of being Happy for No Reason.
If your score is 40 - 59: You have glimpses of being Happy for No Reason.
If your score is under 40: You have little experience of being Happy for No Reason.
Whatever your score, don't be discouraged. Science tells that we have control over at least 40% of the factors that determine our individual happiness levels. So, it doesn't matter where you begin; what matters is that you do begin. Reading my book Happy for No Reason will enable you to be happier right away. Once you've been practicing the seven steps and the Happiness Habits listed in the book, take the questionnaire again. After that, assessing your Happy for No Reason score on a regular basis will help you chart your progress.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Staying Positive
It sure is hard to stay positive when you feel like crud. I am happy one minute and then the next I feel like choking someone for driving too fast, or not using their blinker. I am calm one minute and then feel totally anxious because the kitchen is a disaster and it's been that way for two days now. Don't sweat the small stuff all stuff is small someone awhile ago said to me. Just think of it every time you get angry over something so small.
Staying positive is something I strive for not only every day but every second of my life. The only thing going for me is being able to sit here and type how I feel and what is really inside of me. Do I care what others think? Not really. My motto: You don't pay my bills so shove off. But deep down inside after brewing about what I read or what I may have said YES I do care. I want to be a part of something positive. I feel that this is positive. I like the computer and what it has to offer. I like to read others stories of hope, dreams, love and abilities to overcome grief, death and losing.
How many self help books does one need to read in order to become a better person? I am tired of all the authors that think they have yet one more thing they can offer their readers that someone doesn't. Why don't they just all get together and write a book and then we all can read it once and pass it on to the next person who has just spent a good chunk of change on books to make them feel better.
I don't have a lot of positive people in my life I guess. The only one that comes to mind is my sister "L" she seems to be upbeat and always looks for the good in people. Just the other day at the store a young man said excuse me honey and I wanted to slap him silly. My sister said, " Maybe he meant that in a good way" I felt degraded. Creep. But now that I look back on it I feel bad for thinking that of him and thought well maybe my sister was right. So my goal for this week is to think positive in everyone. I sure don't want people to label me or stigmatize me, so in return I shouldn't do it either.
Check back on Monday and I will recap where I left off. If it was a good goal or not......
Beth
How To Choose Happiness...Most Of The Time: 30 Ways In 30 Days
Staying positive is something I strive for not only every day but every second of my life. The only thing going for me is being able to sit here and type how I feel and what is really inside of me. Do I care what others think? Not really. My motto: You don't pay my bills so shove off. But deep down inside after brewing about what I read or what I may have said YES I do care. I want to be a part of something positive. I feel that this is positive. I like the computer and what it has to offer. I like to read others stories of hope, dreams, love and abilities to overcome grief, death and losing.
How many self help books does one need to read in order to become a better person? I am tired of all the authors that think they have yet one more thing they can offer their readers that someone doesn't. Why don't they just all get together and write a book and then we all can read it once and pass it on to the next person who has just spent a good chunk of change on books to make them feel better.
I don't have a lot of positive people in my life I guess. The only one that comes to mind is my sister "L" she seems to be upbeat and always looks for the good in people. Just the other day at the store a young man said excuse me honey and I wanted to slap him silly. My sister said, " Maybe he meant that in a good way" I felt degraded. Creep. But now that I look back on it I feel bad for thinking that of him and thought well maybe my sister was right. So my goal for this week is to think positive in everyone. I sure don't want people to label me or stigmatize me, so in return I shouldn't do it either.
Check back on Monday and I will recap where I left off. If it was a good goal or not......
Beth
How To Choose Happiness...Most Of The Time: 30 Ways In 30 Days
Yellow Pages Blues
There are loads of things about mental health issues that no one consumer could handle in a day. Just going to see a therapist requires a lot of stamina and patience just to get in the door. For instance just last week I wanted to find a therapist again after a long 8 years of not having one. I looked in the yellow pages and started calling. I called most of the "A" section in the book and took a break because I was feeling burnt out. Most receptionists tell you that they would have to call back. Call back? I don't have time to sit and wait for a call back. Why can't I just make an appointment now?
So, while waiting and 4 hours later I called several friends and asked who them would recommend. But there is always a problem with insurance issues. If you have insurance then great you can get in. But like me I have none or little and it doesn't cover this type of service. So I try to get in on a sliding fee scale. I pay as I can, or pay so much down each time. These days in this economic downfall you would be able to find places that would help out just a little. But no, that is quite impossible. So if you ever do and you are in the great Midwest please let me know.
There is also a wait for services probably in every county in the United States for mental health issues. In the newspaper yesterday I read about the outlaying areas who have to wait for months sometimes years just to get to see a psychiatrist. This is not right. We shouldn't have to wait for anything. There is also the paper chasing game. I do know that in my hometown and I live in the Capitol State that there are still all those freakin papers you have to fill out. Whatever happen to electronic filing. I don't want to have to keep a book in my purse just so I can give it to each time I want services. This makes for a very frustrating and long day. Something I don't need.Choosing an Online Therapist: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Professional Help on the Web
Long story short: I had one call back out of 73 phone calls I put in. One lousy stinking phone call. Just think I have the rest of the yellow pages to go. Pray for me!
So, while waiting and 4 hours later I called several friends and asked who them would recommend. But there is always a problem with insurance issues. If you have insurance then great you can get in. But like me I have none or little and it doesn't cover this type of service. So I try to get in on a sliding fee scale. I pay as I can, or pay so much down each time. These days in this economic downfall you would be able to find places that would help out just a little. But no, that is quite impossible. So if you ever do and you are in the great Midwest please let me know.
There is also a wait for services probably in every county in the United States for mental health issues. In the newspaper yesterday I read about the outlaying areas who have to wait for months sometimes years just to get to see a psychiatrist. This is not right. We shouldn't have to wait for anything. There is also the paper chasing game. I do know that in my hometown and I live in the Capitol State that there are still all those freakin papers you have to fill out. Whatever happen to electronic filing. I don't want to have to keep a book in my purse just so I can give it to each time I want services. This makes for a very frustrating and long day. Something I don't need.Choosing an Online Therapist: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Professional Help on the Web
Long story short: I had one call back out of 73 phone calls I put in. One lousy stinking phone call. Just think I have the rest of the yellow pages to go. Pray for me!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Winster
If you enjoy playing games then this is the site for you. Winster is a fun and addiction site that will remind you a bit of slot machines. Winster.com is a social community where friends help friends solve puzzles to win real prizes. You pick the prize you want to win, then play engaging, fun games until you win your prize.
Our games are specifically designed to foster a sense of community and promote positive interaction. Players cooperate to help each other win prizes, rather than compete. At Winster.com, players play with each other, never against each other.
Our mission is to build and serve a friendly online community through entertaining games and valuable prizes.
Let them know that I sent you and you and I both can win.
Our games are specifically designed to foster a sense of community and promote positive interaction. Players cooperate to help each other win prizes, rather than compete. At Winster.com, players play with each other, never against each other.
Our mission is to build and serve a friendly online community through entertaining games and valuable prizes.
Let them know that I sent you and you and I both can win.
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