Sunday, July 4, 2010

Noodles and my Noggin

I was going to surprise my partner at work and bring her mac and cheese from Noodles. I had been experiencing major dizziness prior to going but rested and felt fine enough to drive. ( I would never get behind the wheel if I knew something was wrong with me) I ordered the food and went to sit down and wait. I felt like my body was spinning out of control, I felt as if I was going to faint. I tried to reason with myself that you are going to be o.k. and this too shall pass. Lump in my throat I just wanted to run and hide. But I was frozen, couldn't move, didn't know where really to run to I just knew that I had to get the heck out of there.

I already paid for the meal and couldn't just abandon it. I stuck it out but really couldn't tell you how. I was sweating so terribly and I just wanted to scream.  It took about 20 minutes for them to complete my order due to they were short on staff. Why me? Why now? I am tired and just want to get to my destination. They called my name and I bolted with the food outside. As soon as I stepped into the muggy air everything vanished and I felt fine. I do believe for me there are after effects of a panic/anxiety attack for me I was still afraid to even drive. I just sat there and played everything back in my head. Which isn't a good thing to do when you are all alone. I can't reason with myself that well. I need to be able to bounce what I am feeling off someone who isn't going through this at the moment.

I know now that I should have grabbed my cell phone from home so I could at least called "A" and told her that I was coming but just experienced the most horrifying 20 minutes of my life. I should of and could of but didn't. So, it was up to me to get myself together and concentrate on driving. When I feel uncomfortable I always take the back roads so I can go 23 miles and hour and pull over if I need to. This time there were no back roads and so I ate my dinner in the car and waited. I got to "A's" work and felt so relieved I just decided to stay until 10pm. Throughout the night I had several "mini" attacks, dizziness, feelings of I am going to die. I didn't die but wanted to call 9-1-1 a lot. But know that that is a waste my time and theirs.

Staying Healthy

Healthy sleeping, eating, and exercising habits can help stabilize your moods. Keeping a regular sleep schedule is particularly important. I have always had this problem when not feeling good. Although when I was manic once I was so healthy I lost 7 pounds in a week. I am not sure if this was a good thing or not but I wasn't complaining and neither was my Dr. But the good kind of healthy is making sure that you exercise and stay emotionally fit.

Try not to skip breakfast - This is the most important meal of your day. It gets you motivated to do just about anything. Don't eat while you watch T.V. - If you start doing this you really aren't paying any attention to your food plus you tend to eat more while doing this. Make sure you incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies into your eating habits. Try to stay away for junk food. You may think that at the time it feels good, but down the road your waistline won't appreciate it and it will be harder to get off the sweets. 

More Vegetables, Please!: Over100 Easy & Delicious Recipes for Eating Healthy Foods Each & Every DayDid you know people with bipolar disorder also face hugely increased risk of early death from diabetes, heart disease and stroke.

What ways do you try to stay healthy especially during your days of gloom?